Motherhood

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a mother.  According to dictionary.com, motherhood means "it's the state of being a mother." The interpretation of that definition could be as long as it is broad, depending on each individual mom. 

For me, it means creating an atmosphere of teaching, learning, and being supportive throughout a child's life.  Teaching them how to walk; How to feed themselves; How to dress themselves. How to read, and as they grow older, teaching them how to resolve conflicts, to solve problems, to face their struggles head on, and do their very best.  

As a mother I'd be their biggest supporter from taking their very first step, to the second.  To kissing boo boo's, drying their tears, and comforting them when they are afraid, or hurting.  Support them when they begin driving, get their first job, graduate high school, and college, get married, to when they are finally expecting their own first child. 

I'm getting ahead of my years as a mom. My oldest just turned two, and my youngest is only four months old.  I have a lifetime of teaching, supporting, and loving to do.

Let me back up to the summer of '13. I found I was expecting again.  I was so excited, and couldn't help thinking how having a second child would change the dynamics of our household.  My oldest would have a sibling.  My home would be filled with not one, but two little boys filling the house with their laughter, and play.  I looked forward to the pleasant busy life having a family gives.

My delivery came, and we brought our newest family member home.  Then, when he was just 10 days old, I suffered a stroke.  He was seven weeks old when I finally returned home after weeks of hospital, and rehab stays.

My ideas and plans of motherhood were slightly shattered.  I remembered how, with my first child, I was able to hold him, care for him, and witness all the firsts that come with a new baby.  I had felt I had missed so much with our newest baby. 

It gave me great comfort knowing my husband, Scott, had been able to be there for our new baby, when I was not able to do so.

I want what all mothers want.  I want my children to have a happy, safe childhood filled with many wonderful memories.  I want them healthy.  I want them to grow into men who are considerate, and respectful towards others.

I'm still making progress in getting better use of my left arm, and because of this I sometimes feel I am a different mom to our children than before my stroke.  When I look upon their sleeping, peaceful faces, I smile.  This is why I am strong.  This is why I will not give up. This is why I continue to press forward in my recovery.  I have faith in my future, and although I cannot pick them up with both arms, and hold them, I can pick them up, and hold them in my heart.

The heart of a mother, and mine will beat to the rhythm of love to until my last breath.