Everything Happens for a Reason

I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  Upon deciding the birth plan for our second baby, Spence it was decided a c-section would be the best option as he was measuring in the 9lb range.  My doctor feared I would not be able to deliver him myself.  The delivery date was set for my 39th week of pregnancy.

Scott was honest and decided that two children was the exact number he wanted, although I felt differently.  Together we decided I would have a tubal ligation during my c-section.  Because of my high blood pressure Spencer was delivered one day early.  My OBGYN felt it necessary for both me, and the baby's safety.  I was prepped for surgery and wheeled in the OR.  My OB sat on my bed and asked me to confirm that I wanted a tubal.  I immediately began to cry and nodded yes.  Scott had already given his consent.  The moment made my heart sad as I knew it was such a final decision.  I cried during the entire operation, not from the physical pain but the pain I felt in my heart from knowing the decision I had just made.  I knew it was the correct decision to make for our family but I still could not overcome the finality of it all.

Within a short time Spencer made his appearance and the operation was over.  I recovered at the hospital and went home.  Little did I know that things would change drastically in the upcoming days.  On day ten the unthinkable happened.  I suffered a hemmorrhagic stroke that would leave my left side paralyzed.  I underwent several surgeries and many months of therapy to regain what I had lost.  I was not able to make it to my 6 week follow up with my OBGYN because I was still in inpatient therapy.  I didn't get that follow up until 12 weeks after my son's birth, and one of my first questions was if I could have another baby.

Marriage is about compromise and I compromised and made a decision that ultimately ended up being what was truly in the best interest of my family, and my health.  Even knowing this, that I could not have more children left my heart feeling empty.  After I had questioned my doctor about the possibility of more children, she quickly set me straight and strongly advised, really forbade me to become pregnant again because of the high risks to my health.

I understood but it did not change what my heart wanted.  I feel that God was guiding me in that decision, because He knew the events that would take place in the very near future.  Some may know I had experienced a miscarriage prior to Spencer being born.  My hope and belief is that one day I will see this baby.

I still believe that God is guiding me in my life today.  I don't know what lies ahead, but I trust in Him and in the direction He leads.  I am very thankful and grateful for the two gifts (my boys) that God gave me.  Carson and Spencer are my joy and I love being a mom to boys.